Why I’m Still Single as a Christian Woman
Dedicated to my mum, aunty and everyone else who wants to know why I haven’t found a nice boy yet.
There’s no doubt that love is important, after all it’s mentioned in the Bible well over 500 times. Jesus himself said that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God, whilst the second is to love your neighbour (Matthew 22:37–39) and in Genesis 2:18 God says “it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him”.
So if God wants us to love one another and he says that it’s not good for us to be alone, why am I still single? It seems like everyone else is boo-ed up so has God just forgotten about me? Well, firstly, maybe it’s not the right season for you to be in a relationship. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul discusses singleness, saying that God gives the gift of the single life to some people. Some may ask, how is singleness a gift when I’m bored, lonely and just want someone to go on baecations with (well maybe not during corona).
But it really and truly is a gift- regardless of how social media makes it seem, relationships aren’t easy! Married people, or even just those in a relationship, put lots of time and energy into being with each other. That isn’t to say being in a relationship is a bad thing or isn’t worthwhile, but you may want to focus on other things, like spiritual development or even personal goals like finishing your degree or working towards that dream job you’ve always wanted.
It’s also possible that you’re single because God is protecting you from things that aren’t for you- ever heard the phrase “man’s rejection is God’s protection”? Most people have experienced the conviction of the Holy Spirit telling them things they should be avoiding but sometimes we’re not even aware of the things God has protected us from. In the era of F-boys and casual hookups we really shouldn’t worry about our singleness- the alternative may be a lot worse.
Another reason is that it’s not that you’re not ready, but instead that your future partner isn’t ready. Being in a relationship may be the end goal, but many people forget that God gave Adam a purpose way before Eve came along- “then the Lord God took the man and placed him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it” (Genesis 2:15). So maybe you’re still single because the person God has for you is fulfilling his own purpose,perhaps academically or career-wise. When the time is right to meet, God will make sure it happens.
So how should I spend my season of singleness? My advice is to be prepared, be prayerful and be patience.
Be prepared
Use this time to work on yourself, especially spiritually. Once you’re in a relationship or a marriage, much of your time will be spent with your partner, so spend this time deepening your relationship with God. “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34). You can also prepare for marriage by working to develop the Godly qualities that you’re looking for in a future partner. A good passage to read is Proverbs 31, titled “The Wife of Noble Character”.
Be prayerful
Spend time praying about your purpose and asking God to help you fulfil His plans for your life. Also pray for your future husband, for his purpose, his relationship with God and his happiness and health. Here’s a really good blog post titled 10 Prayers & Declarations to Pray over Your (Future) Husband.
Be patient
God’s timing is always the best timing. It may seem tempting to settle or to seek out a relationship yourself, but where you are right now is God’s place for you (1 Corinthians 7:17). Ultimately, God’s plans will always prosper you and give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
