Why Do I Always End Up in Situationships?
Why do I always end up in situationships is a question I have asked myself many times. A situationship is essentially an undefined romantic relationship. It’s more than a hookup because you typically spend high quality time with the other person, mimicking a romantic relationship, but minus the commitment part. Often one person (or sometimes even both people) catch feelings, making it more emotionally exhausting than a relationship as you’re more unsure of where you stand or where you’re heading. For one reason or another, I’ve found myself in multiple situationships throughout my adult dating life, which I’ve only recently come to reflect on. If you’re anything like me, wondering how on earth you end up in these circumstances when you’ve always wanted something more serious, this article’s for you.
Reason number one: Unclear intentions
The most common reason for ending up in an undesired situationship, is due to not making your intentions clear to the other person from the very beginning. Some people have a desire for marriage in the near-future and some people are completely anti-relationships and are just trying to enjoy their youth and experience as much as possible. Both desires are totally fine, except when the two are trying to date each other- it just doesn’t work. Usually it leaves the person looking for commitment desiring more and waiting for the other person to make that leap which, of course, will never happen. One of the first things that needs to be done when you start getting to know someone is to find out their mindset, what they’re looking for and to also communicate exactly what you’re looking for. Communicating expectations early on, will help you to avoid sudden surprises later.
That isn’t to say that having that conversation will guarantee you won’t end up in a situationship. People can lie about their intentions to get what they want or they may simply not know what they want. There’s a chance that what a person says at the beginning may change and often they will forget to communicate that to you.
Reason number two: Not recognising the signs
Actions speak louder than words. A person may be telling you that you’re the only one for them but if you’re three years in, still just “seeing each other” and they’ve managed to come up with increasingly innovative excuses every time you’re on the verge of meeting their family and friends, you may want to run away from that situation fast. Believe them when they show you signs of not being committed.
Reason number three: Ignoring the signs
Whilst one person is comfortably enjoying the benefits of a commitment-free relationship, the other is often holding out, hoping and praying that they’ll one day be given a promotion to wifey or hubby material. Not recognising the signs is one thing but seeing them and ignoring them is a sure-fire way to end up stuck in a situationship. I’ve learnt the hard way that if you can’t accept being with someone as they are from the beginning, you probably shouldn’t be with them. If the person can’t meet your standards and needs, there’s definitely someone else out there who can and will.
Reason number four: Giving relationship benefits
The final reason why you might always be ending up in situationships is because you give relationship benefits too early. There’s usually a difference between how you act when casually dating someone and how you act when in a relationship, which will vary on an individual basis. For some the type of physical or emotional intimacy may be different, for others the amount of time spent together or even the things you do such as restaurant dates versus stay at home Netflix and chill dates. As bad as it sounds, some people may feel perfectly happy in a place of no commitment because they’re already receiving everything they want; someone to hang out with when they’re lonely, a shoulder to lean on, great sex etc. The relationship title wouldn’t add anything new, so why should they commit? They can have all of you and still enjoying flirting with or dating other people.
Something you can do is take a moment to reflect and decide your boundaries from the very beginning. Giving an air of mystery or something to look forward to as the relationship progresses may be exactly what the other person needs to realise they want to commit to you. And if it doesn’t work? Their loss. On the plus side, holding back from certain things should make it easier to move on from the person, should you need to.
You may be ending up in situationships for only one of these reasons, or a healthy combination of all four, as has always been the case with me. But the main thing is that now you know and now you can change it.
